


Shut up, Spy. I know him better.

by This_Is_Alias (orphan_account)



Series: Sniper vs Spy [2]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Arguements, ElloMenoP, Inappropriate Stuff, M/M, Overprotective Spy, Scout is in RED for this one, Secret Bunny Toy, Sniper Vs Spy Series, Spy is Scout's Dad, This Is STUPID, Uptown Funk, What if she's secretly a guy though, is mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 08:24:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3440291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/This_Is_Alias
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sniper and Spy argue over who knows Scout better to see who gets to choose what is done with him - stay as Spy's son or be Sniper's boyfriend?</p><p>"Okay, what does Scout do in the bathroom every night?"</p><p>"Shower...?"</p><p>"Haha, right. It's called wanki-"</p><p>"DAD!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shut up, Spy. I know him better.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello.
> 
> Adreamofacalifornacation (is it how you spell it), thank you so much. This entire thing is, well, dedicated to you. Your message made my day, it made me smile, it made me happy and light-hearted for once after a long time.
> 
> Um, hope you readers enjoy this shit.

"Are you  _challenging_ me, bushman?" Spy asked in an unamused, clipped tone. The masked man lifted his cigar back to his mouth and took a puff, eyes fixated on the Australian-New Zelander before him.

 

"Hell yeah, bloody wanka. We'll see who knows Scout better! And who deserves him!"

 

"Oh," Spy scoffed, "And what makes you think you can compete with his _father_ over his own son's interests?"

 

Sniper growled, "You won't even in his life for years!"

 

"My dear Linda has indeed kept me updated on my son, thank you very much."

 

"Scout's Ma is Elizabeth, you bloody Spy."

 

Spy simply blew a smoke ring into Sniper's face, causing the marksman to choke on the heavy spicy fog.

 

 

<~>

 

"The rules go like this," Sniper declared, "We each take turns to ask a question on Scout and if we answer it correctly, we earn a point. Each person asks ten questions. I'll start first."

 

Spy sniffed and shifted in his armchair, sighing loudly and looking at the Sniper who sat opposite him on a matching couch. Both were seperated by only a wooden table.

 

"You better not defacticate on my couch, jarman."

 

"Frick off. Okay, what song does Scout like the most?"

 

Spy's eyes flashed in interest and annoyance at the same time. "He listens to music?"

 

"Yes, you idiot. It's Uptown Funk to you," Sniper said gleefully having just put the masked man in place... and only at the first question!

 

"I see," Spy replied in a monotone, trying to not let his annoyance be shown, "What's the name of the stuffed bunny Scout slept with every night as a child?"

 

"...Stuffed bunny?"

 

Sniper had known of Scout's bunny, having seen it in one of Scout's photo albums. But he had never been given the name of the adorable little patchwork bunny with button eyes and stitched on cute smile.

 

He made a wild guess, "Red Sox?"

 

Spy smirked when he heard it.

 

"God, you are stupid. Scout was two when he had it. Do you actually think he'd be into baseball at two?"

 

"...but Scout said he was born with a baseball bat."

 

"Scout says a lot of things. Like how amazing you are. But all are not true."

 

Sniper flushed angrily and glowered at the spy, hand tightening around the arm rest.

 

"Oi, right," he snarled, accent thickening, "What is Scout's favourite colour."

 

"Red."

 

"Dammit, I should have asked something harder."

 

"Red Sox, non? You just said it."

 

"Shut up."

 

The flames in the fireplace flickered and Spy picked up his glass of champange before taking a long drink, his mind working away as he planned a question that Sniper could never answer.

 

"Okay, then. Name the fathers of all of Scout's brothers," Spy smirked, knowing he had nailed it. Sniper would never be able to answer.

 

And of course, Sniper couldn't answer. He knew the names of Scout's brothers but the fathers? The one-night-stand men who just banged Scout's mom and left the night after? Even Scout didn't know their names. Oh, except for one- Dave, who was his eldest brother's, Danny's father. Scout knew him as Dave had stayed for more than one night. His third brother Bryn would talk on and on about how Dave would buy him sweets and baseball cards every week and how sad he was to know that Dave had left.

 

"Dave...? And... Dave?" Sniper mumbled, blushing at his crappy answer.

 

Spy chuckled, "Ah, bushman, you never cease to amuse me."

 

"Bang the wall."

 

"I'd rather bang your kangaroo wife."

 

Sniper growled warningly, "Mate, you have gone too fa-"

 

"Oh right, you're a gay pedophile, no wonder you are after my son."

 

"YOU BLOODY-"

 

"Now, now," Spy chided mockingly as he flicked the ash off his cigarette, tilting his head to hear a resounding thump from upstairs and Medic's shrieks of anger, "let's settle this like gentlemen, shall we? And continue the game."

 

"Alright, pussy! Who is Scout's favourite  porn writer?"

 

" _Porn writer?!"_ Spy was incredulous. Just what had the filthy jarman influenced his son with?!

 

" _Gay porn,"_ Sniper chuckled, enjoying the Spy's mortification, "We read her works at night."

 

"Her?! What kind of-"

 

"Can you answer?"

 

"Apparently, non," Spy said crossly, spitting out the words of disgust. Not only did his son engage in relationships with the filthy bushman, he also read inappropriate material with him! What was this? He better talk to Linda- uh, Elizabeth afterwards.

 

"Hahaha, Oi got ya for this one!" Sniper chortled, "It's ElloMenoP for your information!"

 

Spy groaned before talking a gulp of his drink, hoping the burn would be present. It wasn't. He felt dejected and some-what defeated.

 

Then, he brightened as he thought of an excellent question to put the Sniper in place. To embarass the Sniper whether the answer was right or wrong.

 

He took a breath and narrowed his eyes for the tension-

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I really like ElloMenoP. She's a good writer. (And wait. What if she's secretly a 'he'?! Oh god.)
> 
> Anyway, next chapter will be up soon. I'm still dealing with my life problems... and yeah.
> 
> But it's really better now. I have kinda found a true friend who I can confide in, I'm trying to face my fears and stuff like that. My sleep is a little better now. A whole half-an-hour longer of sleep than before.
> 
> This sounds cliché but... Stay tuned?


End file.
